Politician Claims Most Australians Are Dead Fish

Senator Eric Abetz (as in ‘Aidz and Abetz’) has said, and I quote, ‘61.6% of Australians are dead fish’.

Well, he didn’t say that EXACTLY, ahaha – I did warn you that I quote. But he did say something similar in regards to the postal survey recently conducted by The Australian Government, in which the majority of Australians voted to support the legalisation of same-sex marriage, which he opposes. Here’s what:

As someone told me the other day, it’s only dead fish that go with the flow. It’s only the live fish that have the capacity to swim against the current.’

Yes indeed, Eric is actually kind of a hero fish, it turns out, the kind who laughs in the face of powerful oncoming currents (‘gharrgle gharrrrgle gharrrr’) while dodging oncoming corpses (he’s con-swerve-ative), and having the guts (fish guts) to stand up (or swim forward) for what’s right. Meanwhile the 61.6% of people who voted Yes also have a part to play in this metaphor – namely, the masses of dead fish floating by. I assume that eventually we all wind up at the end of the stream in a big pile?

A tad gruesome, hey?

I, like many I’m sure, am shocked that a statement so gruesome could possibly come from the mouth of this man:

Senator Abetz at home in his bathroom.

But there you have it – politics can be surprising!

However, I don’t think Mr Abetz has gone quite far enough! I mean, if you’re going to invoke such a rich aquatic metaphor to describe a situation, why stop so soon?

What about people who didn’t vote in the survey? What are they? Tyres on the bottom of the river, not really moving in either direction? 

Or those priests and such who said gay marriage is not actually in opposition to the teachings of God, and thus supported the Yes vote? Maybe they’re the eels, sort of sticking to the same area but swimming all around it, moving upstream and downstream as they choose? Sort of ‘having it both ways’, if you will?

What about politicians who waited to see what people would say before choosing a stance? Lice, stuck to the bodies of the dead fish, I can only assume?

What of the microphones into which many people talked during the running of the campaign? The reeds at the riverbank? I may be running out of ideas.

And same-sex marriage itself is there too of course – it’s the terrible cloud that blots out the sun, casts darkness over all, and causes those live fish swimming upstream to rise up to the surface and look up at the sky, and wonder what madness has brought this upon them? 

See? Metaphor isn’t that hard to make up to support pretty much any argument you like, ha haaaaa. 

Oh, and by the way, presumably there are SOME living fish who do actually swim with the flow. Surely it can’t be ONLY dead fish. Surely not EVERY living fish is powering upstream with their steely eyes fixed and focused, never stopping, never taking their eyes off their glorious future for a moment. That sort of seems as equally mindless as what Eric is accusing dead fish of, but with more exercise involved. 

Plus, if all the fish just kept swimming upstream the whole time, eventually they would swim around the entire planet, and then the concept of ‘up’ sort of ceases to be relevant.

Anyway, that’s about all I have to say about that. Except for this!


2017-11-28T22:55:09+00:00 November 28th, 2017|Blog|0 Comments

What you think? Eh?