The Dark of Night, Sunday
I am waiting for pizza to arrive, and I’m thinking I should put on a shirt, just in case the sexy pizza delivery girl gets the wrong idea. I mean, be reasonable – just because I like to be comfortably shirtless in my own home doesn’t mean you get have your wily ways with me, pizza bringing girl. Why do you keep sending your hairy minions pizza girl, you tease? Sometimes I wonder if you even exist! But then Squeakfeather whispers in my ear that you do, and I feel stupid for ever having doubted you.
I have quite the appetite too, as any man would after spending the afternoon singing karaoke in his friend’s living room. I have decided I must get a home karaoke setup, and it is now on the list right above ‘mirror maze’. I would love a mirror maze!
Sexy pizza girl: Ding dong (she’s ringing the doorbell)
Me (on intercom): Come in my dear.
Me (on intercom): Step right through.
Door: Click! (this is the door closing behind her)
Sassy Pizza Cat: Hello? What the fuck is this place?
Me (on another intercom, enthusiastically): Oh, that’s just the mirror maze. Come right on up through that!
Beautiful Voluptuous Pizza Girl: Um … er … this corridor leads to nowhere! Um … wait, now I’m seeing myself a thousand times! How am I supposed to know where to go?
Me (to myself, chuckling): Ha ha ha.
Lovely Pizza Bringing Vision of a Girl: Oh no, I’m lost! Help, get me out of here!
Me (on intercom): Hot … hot … cold … cold …
Ms Pizza: Are you helping me with clues?
Me (on intercom): No, I’m guessing the temperature of my pizza by the time you find your way. This will affect your tip.
Pizza Lady Extraordinaire: Aha! The door! Knock knock! (this is her knocking on the door at the end of the maze)
Me (opening door): Congratulations! You solved my mirror maze!
Oh God Pizza Girl: But not without your help!
Me: True, true.
Her: Hey, you’re not wearing a shirt! That is so unbelievably sexy I can’t believe no one has thought of it before!
Me: You know, there are two ways to get out of this place. (1) back the way you just came through the fearsome mirror maze, but this time THE SPIDERS WILL BE TURNED ON, or (2) the bedroom.
Duchess Pizza the 1st: Hmmm.
There are different endings to this.