Lost Scene from Dracula
Have you heard the expression ‘Bless your cotton socks’? Why is it always cotton socks, and never other items of clothing?
‘Bless your cotton hat!’ for example.
Is there such a thing as a cotton hat? Surely there is. With so many great inventions in the world, surely a cotton hat is not out of humanity’s reach? Surely?
At any rate, enough of that – without further ado, I present to you, a lost scene from Dracula!
Van Helsing: Shh! Here we are in the vampire’s tomb. Be very quiet, Watson!
Watson: I didn’t say anything. You’re the one saying things.
Van Helsing: Ah! Here’s the beast’s coffin! Now, we very carefully lift the lid – and look, he lies sleeping.
Watson: A peaceful visage for a loathsome monster.
Van Helsing: Aye. Now, I must pray. (clasps hands, looks up) Hear me Lord, our Saviour in Heaven. Behold this aberration, who has no right to walk your earth. Hear me, Lord, for I beseech you, to bless his cotton socks!
Lord: Okay. Blammo!
Dracula: (sits up) Eeeeeeeek! Eeeeeeeeek! My feet, they burn!
Van Helsing: Take that, bloodsucking devil!
Dracula: There are better ways to do this, you know!
Van Helsing: At my age you have to mix it up a bit.
Watson: I’m not even meant to be in this story.